All You Wanted
by Kay Skie
Summary: "He doesn't know I watch him every day. I don't know why but there's something about that cocky, golden jerk that intrigues me...Sometimes I think it's because I've never met a bigger jerk in my life but, other times it's because he's just so deep..."
1. I wanted to be like you

_"I wanted to be like you"_

**Clary**

It's the beginning of the school day. I get to class early as usual and start drawing. I stop as I hear laughter-Jace must be here. He makes everyone laugh but I've always found it odd how he rarely smiles. In fact, I can't recall a time I've heard him actually smile or laugh. I mean sure, I've seen him smirk and I've heard him chuckle but neither of those really count; he didn't actually seem happy. I find this so weird because we've been going to the same school since I moved here when I was ten.

The bell rings and Jace takes his seat beside me. "Did you enjoy the show?" He smirks. "I know you were staring."

I blush and look away. "No I wasn't." I lie.

"Yeah you were. Were you day-dreaming about me?" He asks.

"Not really. I was just noticing the resemblance between your hair and a golden retriever's tail." I shrug.

This causes him to chuckle. "Yeah, just like your hair reminds me of a tomato." He says.

"Not all tomatoes are red." I point out.

"Fine then, your hair is the color of a cherry tomato. Gee Fray, you're starting to talk about hair just as much as Izzy." Jace says, shaking his head dramatically.,

That's the one and only thing we have in common: Isabelle. She's my friend and his sister. (Although I don't know how since they look nothing alike but oh we'll, I didn't look like Sebastian either but he was still my brother...I'll tell you more about him later.)

I roll my eyes. "Izzy would be ashamed of us if she heard us bickering like this." I say.

"Yeah, she wants us to get along but you keep making it too difficult." Jace smirks.

See? There's that infuriating smirk again!

"Jonathan! Clarissa! Would you mind ending your little discussion so we can start class?" Ms. Johnson snaps.

I can feel my face turn as red as my hair. I hate getting in trouble with teachers; I never know what to say. Jace in the other hand...

"We're sorry Ms. Johnson. We were just saying how much we wish you could be our teacher next year too since you're such an amazing teacher." Jace says, flashing her a smile, exposing his one imperfection (aside from his arrogant personality,) which is his endearingly chipped tooth. The only reason it's endearing is because he got it after getting into a fight with Izzy's creepy stalker ex-boyfriend Marvel be ause he wouldn't leave her alone andts tarted threatening her if she wouldn't start going out with him again. Of course, Marvel didn't expect Jace to best the crap out of him-they had been friends before the stalking issue; needless to say they aren't now.

Anyway, all the girls in the class smile and sigh at the sight of Jace's smile-even Ms. Johnson (which is really unprofessional and kinda gross since she's old enough to be his mother). I think I'm the only girl immune to Jace's 'charms' (well, aside from Izzy but she's his sister so she has to be immune to his 'charms'.)

Despite all this, I kinda wish I could be more like Jace when it comes to speaking in front of the class. Whenever I try my voice gets all mousy.

"Is that true Clarissa?" Ms. Johnson asks.

"Y-yes ma'am." I reply. (See what I mean?)

The entire class laugh and it's times like these when I wish I could be just a little bit like Jace-just when it comes to public speaking.


	2. I wanted everything

_"I wanted everything"_

**Clary**

After school I walk home with my best friend Simon (who just so happens to be Izzy's boyfriend-I didn't set them up or anything). Today's one of those days when you really wish you had a ride because it's so cold but of course you don't because that would make your life _way_ too easy.

"Beautiful weather, huh?" Simon jokes, eying the grey stormclouds above us suspiciously.

"Yeah, I'd love to walk home in weather like this every day." I reply sarcastically.

"Really? Simon gasps, feigning enthusiasm. "I was just thinking the same thing!"

This is all really funny until a car speeds into a puddle beside the sidewalk, drenching Simon and me. The owner of the vehicle rolls down the window. "Oops! Sorry!" Aline laughs, "Later losers!"

Of course she's the owner of tht vehicle. She's had it out for me since middle school. She's convinced that I am in love with Jace and so she just had to go out with him for two weeks at the beginning of sixth grade. Then after he broke up with her she always got mad when she would see Jace and me together even though we don't _choose_ to be together. It's always because of Izzy or our class schedule. (We've had every class together since I moved here when I was ten.) I personally think Aline is a little stupid-Jace hates me and I don't really have warm and fuzzy feelings for him either so I'm okay with him hating me.

I pick up a rock and prepare to throw it but Simon stands in the way and says, "It's not worth it."

It starts raining and I watch Simon's glasses fog up as he tries not to shiver from the cold rain and the frigid January New York temperatures.

"I think it is." I say, moving so I can throw the rock but the car's already gone so I drop the rock and groan.

"At least it isn't snowing." Simon points out.

"I'm surprised it's not." I grumble bitterly.

Nothing good has happened today. First the incident with Jace, then Aline tripped me in PE-twice-of course nobody noticed except me. Then I managed to trip over my own foot in the cafeteria, dumping the entire contents of my lunch onto the floor, then I fell on top of it all, and of course that _had_ to happen right in front of Aline's table. Then I spilled paint on Jace in art-not on purpose-we'd collided because he was staring at pretty girls and I was staring at the floor. I didn't look up until I saw feet coming too close to mine. Unfortunately, by then it was too late and so now I'm covered in gross cafeteria food and paint...lucky me. Finally, I failed my math quiz (I got a twenty-two-I suck at math) and now Simon and I are freezing out butts off out here as we walk home in the freezing cold rain.

"Hey, that car's stopping." Simon says as a black and blue Camaro zL1 pulls over by the sidewalk. How do I know what type of car it is? My older brother Sebastian used to really like cars.

A window rolls down and Izzy yells, "Get in!"

Simon beats me to the shot-gun seat so I sit in the back and guess who's there.

"Hey Fray." Jace says.

Simon looks over his shoulder and I mouth, "You suck."

Simon just grins...butthead.

"I saw what Aline did to you guys and that's just wrong. I'll be sure to tell her off at school on Monday. Ugh! She's just such a jerk! Why does she hate you so much Clary?" Isabelle says.

"I don't know. The one I feel bad for is Simon. He just looked so sad getting all wet and cold." I say, grinning because I know I've shoved Simon under the bus; now Izzy can rant to him.

"Aww, yeah, you're right Clary, my poor boyfriend's all wet!" Izzy says in a baby voice, she glances at Simon's face and she starts laughing.

I grin when Simon reaches his arm behind his chair to give me the finger. "Wow Simon, I didn't know you knew sign language. What does _that_ mean?" I ask innocently.

"Hey! No foul language in the vehicle! It's Alec's." Izzy commands, clearly catching on.

"Yeah, Iz stole it. Hey, Simon, are you proud of your criminal girlfriend?" Jace smirks.

"I did not steal it! I borrowed it; I just you know, didn't ask Alec. Besides, you really can't complain since you came in here with me. You're an accomplice if you want to say this was stolen!" Izzy counters.

"No, I don't think that's it. I think I'm more like a victim." Jace says.

"Oh please, if I hadn't taken the car and dragged your ungrateful butt with me when Alec left with Magnus then you would've been stuck walking in the rain like poor Simon and Clary here. Take a good look at both of them. They're cold and wet, while you on the other hand are warm and dry." Izzy points out.

"Whatever you say Iz." Jace smirks, staring at me.

I wait for him to avert his gaze but he doesn't and I start blushing which annoys me more than it should but this is Jace I'm talking about and he really is just _so annoying._

"Do you mind?" I ask.

"Izzy told me to look at you and Simon so I am." Jace says.

"Well, I think you've looked at me long enough, now it's time for you to stare at Simon instead." I say, glaring at Jace.

"I'm good. I like watching your face give your hair a competition for the reddest part of your body." He smirks.

"Okay. I'm done." I tell Izzy. "I'd like to walk home now."

Izzy and Simon just laugh unhelpfully, not knowing I was serious.

"Oh come on Fray. That hurts." Jace says, putting his hand up to his chest as if he actually has a heart.

I roll my eyes and wait for Izzy to get to the neighborhood where Simon and I live. This is probably going to be the longest car-ride I've ever been in even though Simon is convinced that it's only going to be ten minutes long. I really want a car so I can avoid this type of situations.


	3. So I tried to be like you

_"So I tried to be like you"_

**Clary**

My phone rings around twenty minutes or so after Izzy drops me off. It's Izzy.

"I'll be over in ten minutes to kidnap you for the weekend. Pack your stuff up and wait at the door. Also, I've already verified it with your mom and Luke both of whom I already know are on a date so you aren't allowed to object. See you soon!" Izzy says sounding a little _too_ happy, like she's plotting something.

"See you on Iz." I say.

Izzy hangs up so I just stare at my phone and shake my head. She's completely insane but I don't mind because she's also really nice and weird which is why we get along. Anyway, I shove my phone into my pocket and carelessly throw any and all things that I might need for the weekend, and then I scribble a note down for my mom and Luke (just in case Izzy wasn't being entirely truthful about verifying my coming over with them). I check the window for Izzy and I see her car coming down the street. I look up and head outside.

"Hey Izzy." I say as I jump into her car and throw my stuff into the back. It's a midnight purple Nissan Skyline GTR and my brother would have liked it.

"Hey Clary." Izzy replies, grinning in a way that instantly worries me.

"So, what are we doing this weekend?" I ask.

"We're going to a movie first." Izzy says.

"Which movie are we going to?" I ask.

"Well," Jace starts and I spin around in the seat to look at him, "I wanted to watch a scary movie but Izzy wouldn't allow it." Jace says behind me.

I stare at him. How did I not see him before?

"What's wrong Clary?" Jace smirks.

"H-how did you-When did you?" I splutter.

"Oh, you didn't notice me when you threw all your crap at me when you jumped in." Jace informs me while digging in my backpack.

"Hey! Get out of there!" I say.

"Oh these look nice. Hey match your hair." Jace smirks, holding up my red underwear, waving it around my face like some kind of flag.

Five words: I'm going to kill him.

"Jace!" I shriek, unbuckling my seatbelt to smack him upside the head.

I miss and he grins. "Now they match your face too."

I jump into the back with him and steal my underwear back, shoving it into my bag. Jace starts laughing as I frantically shove all the stuff he took out back into my bag.

"What's so funny about this?" I growl, glaring at him.

"You just...your face...sorry Clary but...that's so funny!" He laughs.

Somehow, watching him laugh makes me laugh too. His face is all red because he was trying to hold the laughter back for so long and his laugh sounds like music...I like it.

"What are you laughing at Fray?" Jace asks, calming down.

"Your face." I reply sweetly.

"Shut up Fray." Jace says, rolling his eyes, his previously happy face replaced with an indifferent one.

"Just when I had hope for you two." Isabelle sighs, pulling over at Simon's house.

"Why's Simon coming?" I ask, instantly worried about where this is going.

"Good to see you too Fray." Simon says, sitting in the shotgun seat.

"Why don't you give him an attempt at a murderous glare when he calls you that?" Jace asks.

"Because you're annoying and he's not." I answer.

"Yeah, I'm not annoying." Simon echoes.

Jace raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, he's _less_ annoying." I restate.

"Hey!" Simon complains.

"Sorry Si, you brought that on yourself." Isabelle laughs.

"Are you gonna answer my question Isabelle?" I ask, using her full first name on purpose.

"What question?" Izzy asks innocently.

"She wants to know why Simon is here, oh brilliant sister of mine." Jace informs her.

"Shut up Jace." Izzy says.

"Iz?" I ask.

"Oh I forgot to tell you. It's a double-date!" She replies, sounding way too happy about this. (This is why I was worried when I was on the phone with her.)

"So you want to guess who your date is Fray?" Jace asks.

"Alec?" I guess.

"I don't think Magnus would be too happy to hear you say that." Simon laughs.

I groan, remembering to buckle my seatbelt as I slouch into the seat since Simon took mine.

"Oh come on Fray, many girls-and some guys-would be overjoyed to have this wonderful opportunity to spend time with me." Jace says with a smirk.

"You heard Izzy. Shut up Jace." I say, staring out the window.

* * *

**Jace**

I don't know why Clary hates me so much. I've never really understood it. Everyone else likes my smart aleck act but she doesn't. She thinks it makes me rude and has called me an asshole before...Not one of my shining moments. I just wish I knew why exactly she hates me so much and I'd also like to know why I care so much about what she thinks. I mean, she's just some girl...right? I hate the way she makes me feel. She makes me feel so alive when we argue and tease each other. The only problem with that is that my father would always say, "To love is to destroy." I'm worried that I might destroy her if I allow these feelings I have for her to grow. It's just...I _like_ bickering with her and getting under her skin and fighting with her because I piss her off so much...I like it because she's different. She doesn't let me mess with her without consequences. That's why I tease her about her hair and I made the comparison to her hair and underwear. The look on her face was just so _funny_...I actually laughed and I haven't really laughed since what happened with Max...I just like having Clary around I guess. That's why I made Izzy invite Simon and let me tag along for the Izzy-Clary mall-movie night.

* * *

**Clary**

We walk through the mall and it's pure torture. Every guy in the building stares unabashed at Izzy even though she and Simon are clearly together since they're holding hands. There's also just about every female gawking at Jace and quite a few try to stare at Simon until Izzy gives them a smoldering glare that makes them stop looking at Simon very quickly. Anyway, this is all annoying for various reasons, one of them being that it's like I'm invisible-no one bothers to give me a passing glance. I'm tired of being invisible.

That's why when Izzy says, "Hey Clary, you should let me give you a make-over."

I say, "Sure Iz."

Izzy gasps, "Seriously?"

I shrug, "Why not?"

Simon looks shocked and Jace is looking at me funny but I don't care. I'm tired of being invisible. I want to be noticed-like them and Izzy.

Izzy grins and drags me into loads of stores, making me try on enough dresses to make my head spin. We finally decide on a green and black dress of reasonable length with spaghetti straps. She makes me buy black heels to go with the dress and then she drags me into the bathroom where she has me put on the new outfit. Then she does my make-up and styles my hair.

"All done. What do you think?" She asks, spinning me around to face the mirror.

I gasp. I look like my mom-which is a good thing because I like looking like my mom. Izzy actually made me look kinda pretty. "Thank you." I whisper, in shock as I gather my things.

"Come on, let's go show the boys!" Izzy grins, dragging me out of the bathroom.

"Slow down! I'm not so good with heels!" I remind her, nearly tripping as we rush out.


	4. And I got swept away

_"And I got swept away"_

**Clary**

Izzy drags me out of the bathroom and we go over to the guys. Simon's eyes nearly pop out of his head and Jace looks me up and down before staring intently into my eyes. I can feel my face flush.

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..._ I think nervously.

Jace walks up to me and takes the pins out of my hair that Izzy used to hold it up. "You always look best with your hair down." Jace says quietly. I honestly can't believe he just said that.

That's it though. He turns away and Izzy yells at him for ruining all her hard work on my hair. Jace refuses to look at me after that. I hardly have time to notice though as we walk out of the hall leading to the bathrooms because things start getting really weird. Guys are openly staring at me and I feel really strange. I don't like this. I've seen people stare at Izzy but that's different because she's Izzy and she looks like a model. This is happening to me and I'm freaking out-on the inside though. On the outside I'm sure I look perfectly calm...I hope.

Just when I think things cannot become any weirder, some random guy approaches us and goes straight towards me. He looks around sixteen (our age) and doesn't look so bad. He has short brown hair, pale skin and pretty blue eyes but he's looking at me like a predator might look at its prey. Just watching his expression, I can tell that he's undressing me in his mind and I silently vow to never do this again because I'd rather be ignored than feel this uncomfortable.

"Hey, you're hot." The guy tells me.

"Um, thank you?" I squeak, feeling myself turn red. This was a really bad idea.

"Can I have your number?" He asks.

Jace steps in between me and Captain Creepy and growls, "No, you can't have her number. Get away from her you suck perv!"

The guy's face darkens and he frowns, looking really mad. "What? Is she your little girlfriend?" He sneers. Then he smiles perversely at me and says, "I'm sure you and I can share her."

I glare at the idiot and say, "No, you cannot share me. I am not a piece of property, I am not his girlfriend, I'll never be yours, and no, you cannot have my number so will you please go away?"

"Ooh, I like 'em feisty." The guy says, stroking my cheek. I bite his hand which causes him to let out a yell but then he grins, "I _really_ liked that."

Jace punches the guy square in the jaw and the perv falls onto his back, not moving.

"Jace! Did you kill him?" I exclaim.

"No but we should go before mall security shows up." Jace says, cracking his knuckles the way he does when he's exceptionally annoyed as he stalks away. Okay, it's probably weird that I know that, but that's what happens when you're around your second best friend's brother for six years, you notice weird stuff about them.

Izzy looks at me and grins. "He totally just defended your honor. See? My brother isn't a bad guy."

I hadn't even had time to think about what just happened. I just sort of got swept away in the moment with Captain Creepy trying to bring his pervertedness into my life. Why did Jace help me? I kinda thought he hated me. Why did Jace look at me like that? why did he just stalk off all annoyed like that? Oh this boy leaves me so confused.


	5. I didn't know that

_"I didn't know that"_

**Clary**

We all pile into Izzy's car like before.

"Well, it looks like we'll have to go to _another_ mall." Izzy says.

"Hopefully Jace doesn't want to pick a fight at the next one too." I joke.

Jace glares at me. "Seriously? _That's_ what you say?" He demands, his golden eyes drilling holes into my head.

"What am I supposed to say?" I snap, glaring back, not afraid of him in the least.

"How about something along the lines of 'thank you Jace for saving me from that creep'? That sounds fitting." He says, doing a very poor (and annoying) imitation of my voice.

"I was fine." I say, rolling my eyes.

"You just can't stand the fact that I helped you; can you?" He demands, his glare intensifying significantly.

"I can take care of myself." I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest in defense.

"Yeah? Well, if you can take care of yourself so well, then be yourself-not Izzy." He retorts.

I involuntarily gasp and my face turns red. As much as I hate to admit it; he's not wrong.

"Leave her alone Jace. She looks pretty." Izzy interjects.

"Well yeah, but that's not the point. The point is, she looks like a red-headed, green-eyed short version of you with freckles! This isn't Clary!" Jace exclaims, his eyes blazing with...fury? Why's he getting so worked up?

_What does it matter to him?_ I wonder as I give him a questioning look, not understanding what's wrong with him. _Why does this bother him so much?_

"Why do you care what I look like?" I demand. "Why does it matter so much to you?"

Jace just gives me a steady look, his eyes look normal again, but for once he says absolutely nothing.

"Exactly." I say. "It's none of your business and you don't care anyway, so please stay out of stuff that doesn't concern you."

The car becomes eerily quiet. I think I hear Simon cough awkwardly in front of me. Izzy puts some pop music on to fill in the silence. Then Jace starts talking again, very quietly.

"I do care Clary. I've known you since we were ten; that's six years. I know how reckless you are and how stubborn and that this is not Clary Fray. Clary Fray stands out. She doesn't try to fit in and a lot of people admire her for that." Jace says softly looking me in the eyes.

"I didn't know that." I whisper without meaning to.

"Well, you do now." Jace whispers back before looking away.

I watch him for a moment, noting his stiff posture, how he's drilling a hole into the back of Izzy's seat, and how he's sitting so still that it doesn't look like he's breathing. He glances at me and I tear my gaze away, forcing myself to stare out the window, wondering if I'll ever figure Jace out. He's so confusing. Since when does he care? Did something happen that I was unaware of? Wait...he said I looked pretty, but he doesn't like me looking like this. Why? If he likes this then why is he complaining? I mean, it's not like I did this for _him. _I did it to get noticed but when someone noticed me, he ended up being a complete and total perv and I did kinda need Jace's help. Not that I'll ever say that to his face of course, if it were someone else then sure but not _him_. He would rub it in my face for weeks because he's so excessively full of himself. Still, I didn't expect him to help me-or get so angry. I thought he would just laugh and tease me about the incident later-not punch the dude in the face. This evening was definitely interesting to say the least.

I glance at him to see him gazing at me intently, his golden eyes blazing with fire and emotion I've never seen-especially from him-before dropping his gaze to start rummaging through my bag again. I just let him. I don't feel like fighting anymore right now. Besides, he's already found and joked me about my cherry red underwear; it's not like he'll find anything more embarrassing in there than that. I hope...

**Jace**

After my pathetic attempt to confess my feelings to Clary, I go through her bag again, hoping to get a rise out of her but she's lost in Clary-world. She's always doing that: gazing off into space, surrounded by her own thoughts, ignoring or perhaps unaware of everything that's going on around her. It always makes me wonder what she thinks about when she does this. I find a small sky blue book that appears interesting enough. After reading a few pages I realize it's her diary. I know I should put it down but I can't-it's so interesting: the writing structure, her pretty handwriting, the way she describes everything, the once in a lifetime chance to possibly figure out how this girl thinks...I just can't resist. I casually slip the small notebook into my coat pocket for later reading.

**8:58PM**

**Jace**

After we finally get back from the mall, I lock myself in my room while Izzy and Clary go do girl-stuff in Izzy's room. I blast my music and continue reading the interesting little book with the same concentration I use to study for history exams (history's my favorite subject so I study the hardest for those exams). I'm surprised to see that there's stuff about me in here and not just the words _Jace is a jerk _or_ I can't stand the butthead_. She wrote this one passage that really shocks me:

_Jace. I don't understand this guy. One minute he's annoying as I don't know what and the next he's actually kinda nice. He's always funny-even if he is a jerk sometimes. I like our verbal debates because the look on his face when I do trip him up is hilarious. He doesn't know it but, I watch him every day. I don't know why but there's something about the cocky, golden, jerk that intrigues me. Sometimes I think it's because I've never met a bigger jerk in my life but, other times he's so deep..._

"Well," I think, "I sure didn't know _that_."

I can't believe that she's been watching me too.


	6. It was so cold

_"It was so cold"_

**Jace**

Clary and Izzy run downstairs for something so I stealthily sneak into Izzy's room and put Clary's journal back in her bag. I think I'm safe until I turn around to see a red-faced red-head giving me a death-look. If I were anyone else, I might be scared of this but since I'm me, I'm only mildly nervous.

_Crap._ I think.

"What is wrong with you? Why did you read my journal? I thought you had more sense than that!" Clary explodes, her hands shaking at her sides.

"I guess you thought wrong." I say cooly, trying to sound unconcerned as I walk past her.

"Just when I thought you weren't a jerk." Clary mumbles.

I whirl around, knowing I'll never have another chance to ask about this. "What was that?" I ask.

"I said, just when I was starting to think that you weren't a jerk you pull this crap." Clary says loudly. No other girl would dare speak to me like this (well, except Izzy but she's like a sister so she doesn't count). I'm not sure why but, I like how different Clary is. Why must it be her?

"Why did you think I was a jerk in the first place?" I demand, suddenly very frustrated with her thinking I'm a jerk. I don't know why she thinks I'm a jerk when not too many others think so. I mean, I'm not _trying_ to be a complete jerk all the time so I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong. I try to be emotionally distant-not jerk-like.

"Seriously? Were you under the assumption that you're a joy to be around? You aren't stupid Jace, you know why you're a jerk, you know why we can't be friends." She says.

I must admit, I'm taken aback by her word-choice. I was unaware of the conversation turning into reasons why we can't be friends. Why would she even consider that? I thought she hates me.

"Why can't we be friends?" I ask quietly, trying to keep my voice void of all emotions I feel for her.

"We can't be friends because the people we hang around don't like each other, you've never been very fond of Simon even before he started dating Izzy, all your girlfriends and ex-girlfriends hate me and honestly, you're kind of a jerk sometimes." She answers.

"Most of those don't matter. Plus, you're not always a delight to behold at times either so how can you use that against me? We could be friends if we tried Fray." I tell her in a quiet voice, worried that if I speak any louder I'll destroy the moment.

"I don't want to deal with all the drama from all those girls who swoon you wherever you go." She states flatly.

"Well, we could just simplify it by making you my girlfriend." I suggest flirtatiously without thinking. I can feel my cheeks turning color and I start cursing at myself in my mind.

Clary blushes furiously and laughs, "Yeah, like that'll happen. How about we just make a truce and skip the dating."

"Ah, so do you wanna just go to my room then?" I ask with a smirk, trying to downplay my reddening face.

She blushes harder and glares. "That is not what I meant and you know it." She says firmly.

"Can't blame a guy for trying." I say, holding my hands up in surrender.

"I can." She says, crossing her arms over her chest.

I smile, and hold my hand out. "So, what do you say; friends?" I ask.

She shakes my hand and says, "Friends."

Someone (Izzy,) walks up behind us and gasps, "I'm not imagining this; right?"

"Nope. We've made a truce." I report, turning to face Izzy, letting go of Clary's hand. My hand feels like it's on fire where hers was.

Izzy grins and I pat her head. "Night Iz." I say, smirking as I duck when she swings at me for daring to touch her hair. "Night Fray." I add, smiling at Clary over my shoulder.

I walk down the hall to my room with a neutral expression on my face, smiling on the inside because Clary doesn't hate me after all.

**Later that night...**

**Clary**

I walk down to the kitchen for some water. It's around 2:30 in the morning and Izzy's already asleep. I grab a glass from the cabinet and hear a terrified scream. I nearly drop the glass and listen closely as I hear the staircase creak (it's an old house) which means that someone's coming downstairs. Walking silently, I grab a knife and wait for the person who's coming. It must be an intruder, otherwise there wouldn't have been a scream...a male scream...Mr. Lightwood isn't here and Alec's off with Magnus. They have a sort of bromance going on so we joke them a lot and say they're dating. Magnus is actually dating a girl named Camille and I think Alec has a thing for Simon's older sister, Becca.

Anyway, the only guy here is...Jace. What happened to him? The light turns on and I see Jace standing by the light-switch. We stare at each other, taking in our situation. He's covered in what I think is sweat, his face is wet, so is his hair and his black nightshirt is sticking to him at all sides. His face is pale, his eyes are red and his hands are shaking. He looks terrified. His eyes are in the knife that's clutched in my hand and I quickly put it back.

"I thought there was an intruder." I explain quietly.

Jace nods, taking in a shaky breath.

"Are you okay?" I ask as he leans against the counter.

He nods but I know he's not.

"You're a terrible liar." I tell him which causes him to give off a wry smile and then I realize something. "Was it you who screamed?" I ask quietly.

He shakes his head.

"Who was it then?" I ask, watching as he clutches the counter so hard his knuckles turn white.

"I don't know. You probably imagined it." Jace says in a shaky voice.

I put my hand on his shoulder and he flinches-he _flinches_. Jace, who isn't scared of anything flinches when I put my hand on his shoulder. There is something very wrong here. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask softly.

Jace refuses to look at me and leans away from me. "Leave me alone." He says softly.

"Jace." I start.

"Clary please. Leave me alone." His voice falters. "Please." He whispers.

I look at him closely and decide that it wouldn't be right to leave him alone; not when he's like this. "I'm not going anywhere." I whisper.

Jace looks at me, his usually confident, golden eyes are wide and full of desperation and a fear. "Why?" He whispers.

"We're friends; remember?" I ask.

He nods.

"Friends help each other." I whisper. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Even in this state Jace scoffs, "Nightmares are for children."

"My older brother had nightmares until he was seventeen." I whisper.

"I didn't know you had a brother." Jace says, staring at the floor.

"I did. He's gone now though. That's why we moved here when I was ten." I whisper. "The most horribly ironic part about his death was that he died in a car-crash and cars were his favorite things in the world."

Jace sucks in a breath like I punched him. He looks at me in disbelief. "Isabelle put you up to this; didn't she?" He hisses.

"No, Jace, she didn't. Why would Izzy make me tell you about my dead older brother?" I ask.

He doesn't seem to hear me. He has a weird expression on his face that I can't quite place. "This is about Max; isn't it?...Trying not to make me feel guilty...I should be guilty...My fault...all my fault...Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa." He mutters under his breath as he turns and runs out of the kitchen, and then out the front door.

I see Jace's jacket hanging on a chair and I snatch up my jacket from where Izzy threw it earlier and I run after Jace while throwing my jacket on. Even with the jacket on, it's still so cold as I ran through the New York streets after Jace.


	7. You needed someone

**Clary**

I sprint after Jace, hoping to catch up to him so I can figure out what's wrong. He runs into the Pandemonium club and I run in after him. There are teens everywhere dancing and seeming to have a good time together. (The Pandemonium club is a teens-only club that serves nothing stronger than soda.) It's hard to look for Jace with the people everywhere and the bright lights and loud music blasting, making it hard to concentrate on my search. I'm surprised it's even open this late but then the DJ says something about "partying all night long" and my curiosity dies.

As I frantically search for my enemy-turned friend, people keep giving me weird looks and I remember that I'm wearing pajamas and a jacket while clutching Jace's in my arms. Finally, I see a head of golden hair run through the emergency exit, setting off the alarm. I run after him as he runs down street after street and then he ducks into Taki's again, why are these places open so late? I follow him in and watch as he sprints straight into the men's room. I hear a stall door slam shut and I wait outside a few minutes before running in after him. I'm relieved to see no one else in the bathroom except for two feet with black socks on them that I assume are Jace's. I creep up to the last stall and freeze when I hear a sniffle.

"Jace?" I ask, gently knocking on the door.

I receive no reply.

"Jace, I know you're in here, open up." I say.

He ducks under the stalls and makes a run for the door but I miraculously beat him to it.

"Jace, stop running from me, just tell me what's wrong." I say, gently putting my hand on his arm. He flinches again.

"I won't hurt you." I whisper, removing my hand.

He refuses to look at me.

"Do you want to go back to the house?" I whisper.

He nods and I hold his jacket out to him.

"Thanks." He whispers, carefully taking it from me.

We walk out of Taki's and begin a silent walk back to the Lightwood house.

"How did we get all the way over here?" Jace asks quietly, looking around.

I shrug, "You ran and I followed."

He nods, showing that he understood.

"Why did you run?" I whisper.

"My head was about to explode." He whispers.

"Does it feel better now?" I ask.

He shakes his head and yawns.

"Tired?" I ask.

He nods and then stares at me. After a few minutes of looking into those luminous, golden eyes of his, I feel my face start to turn red so I look down.

"Why did you follow me?" He whispers.

"I thought you needed someone." I answer, looking up at him again.

He winces and looks away.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Needing people is a sign of weakness." He replies monotonously, his voice no louder than a whisper.

"No it isn't. Who told you that Jace?" I ask.

"My father." He whispers nearly inaudibly and I force myself not to gasp.

"Mr. Lightwood told you that?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Mr. Lightwood isn't my father." He whispers.

Oh.

"Are you adopted?" I ask.

He shakes his head again. "Fostered." He whispers.

"Since when?" I ask.

"Since I was ten." He whispers. "I'm surprised you didn't know."

"I moved here when I was ten." I tell him.

"Why?" He asks.

"My older brother Sebastian died in a car cash and I couldn't handle passing that street on my way to school every day." I answer.

Jace gives my hand a gentle squeeze. An electric spark passes between us and judging by the look in Jace's eyes, I think he feels it too. Then he lets go and stares at the ground. We continue our walk in silence.


	8. To show you the way

**Clary**

"Thank you." Jace says softly.

"For what?" I ask, his statement catching me by surprise. Jace Lightwood does not use manners in polite context. It's strange to see him like this.

"Thank you for not letting me wander around aimlessly all night. You showed me the way back to reality." He says, still speaking softly as he stares at the sidewalk. His golden hair falling into his face like a glowing halo as it reflects off the streetlights.

"It wouldn't have been right to let you run off by yourself. Plus we're friends now so, you know if you were to want to talk...you can." I say, struggling to find the right words.

"Thank you Clary." He whispers, staring into my eyes for just a second.

"You're welcome Jace." I say softly, trying to smile to lighten the mood a tiny bit.

"You know it works both ways so if you were to want to talk...you can." Jace tells me.

I know he's referring to my brother and I feel my throat start to close over. "Thanks." I whisper.

Jace takes my hand in his; there's nothing romantic about it, no funny spark in his eyes, just understanding of two people who have clearly seen a lot of pain in their lives. That still doesn't stop my hand from feeling like its on fire but, a good kind of fire.

* * *

**Jace**

I look at the crazy red-head I've payed close attention to for so long and realize there are some things I still don't know about her-probably because we haven't had a surplus of civilized conversations. It's just too fun to push her buttons but right now, I can't destroy the moment like I do with everything else. I hope I don't destroy her and I hope she doesn't destroy me, but right now, holding her hand, it seems like nothing else matters except for the fact that she of all people ran after me to see what was wrong, she cared enough to even bring my jacket so I don't freeze my pathetic butt off out here in the cold. Why her? I don't understand but only a small part of me cares because of this moment. This moment of mutual understanding and almost comfort. There's something broken in her and there's a lot broken in me so here we are, our hands fitting together like perfect pieces of a puzzle. I've held a lot of girls' hands but nothing has ever felt so right before. Only problem is, if I get caught up in this girl, I may love her and if that happens, I could destroy her but I know she could never love me, therefore she will never destroy me; I'll just end up hurting her which sucks immensely. After all, as my dad constantly told me: "To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed." He told me that for the first time when my mother left. She just left without a word, without an explanation or apology or reason or anything. She just left her husband and her three year old son to fend for themselves. I don't remember anything about the woman except that she left me and never came back. Was I that awful even then?

* * *

**Monday**

**Clary**

The rest of the weekend goes by without incident. Jace is back to his normal annoying self but now we joke and annoy each other which is an improvement because it's still Jace after all. I even caught him smiling at me once-a real smile, not a smirk or a fake smile. There wasn't really a reason though. I just smiled back and Izzy and Alec had looked so confused; it was hilarious.

Now we're in English class and our teacher has concocted this _wonderful_ idea for a project.

"Class, today we're going to pick out partners for our family project." Ms. Stella announces.

"How does a family project have to do with English?" Jace asks, causing the class to roar with laughter.

Simon rolls his eyes at me as if to say, 'Wow, the prince has spoken, everybody bow.'

I smile and roll my eyes back at him.

"Thank you Jonathan." Ms. Stella says giving Jace a pointed look when the class quiets down. "As I was saying, you will pick a name from the basket and describe that person in one word. The person will be your partner for the project. If someone picks your name then they're your partner. Clary, you can go first."

I look up to see Ms. Stella standing in front of my desk, holding a purple velvet bag up to my face. I reach in, feeling like Harry when he had to pick the dragon he would fight in the Tri-Wizard Tournament except I have to face something scarier than dragons-my classmates. I pick a name and my heart practices gymnastics in my chest as my stomach twists. I picked Jace.

"Jace Lightwood. Indefinable." I state.

People just laugh at my pathetic attempt to participate in class. My face turns red.

"Okay Jace, now it's your turn: describe Clary in one word." Ms Stella says.

Jace immediately looks right at me and says, "Clarissa Fray. Beautiful-as is."

Everyone gasps and the entire class falls silent, everyone stares from Jace to me, stunned by his words. Even he looks shocked that he said it. I can feel my face turn redder than my hair as I feel the stares from jealous girls all over the room.

"He's got to be kidding." Aline announces. "It was all a joke to get me back-right Jacey?"

"No." Jace says.

"Yeah, right." Aline replies, rolling her eyes.

"Are you calling my brother a liar?" Izzy demands, standing up. "Not that you ever knew him, but one thing you should know about my brother is that he never lies! So you can take your stupid, immature accusations and shove them up your-"

"That's enough Isabelle. Please take your seat." Ms. Stella interrupts. "Jace and Clary, you are the first two partners. Please go to the back of the classroom."

We sit in the back of the class and Jace whispers, "Without Izzy-style make-up."

I blush, realizing what he's saying and look away.


	9. So I took your hand

_"So I took your hand"_

**Jace**

At lunch I steal the seat beside Clary and say, "Hey, after the warden releases us inmates from our fine penitentiary, how about we get that project over with?"

Clary rolls her eyes in my direction. "School happens to be important oh wise one." She enlightens me.

"School is boring; especially when you could spend your time doing other things such as read, do some type of active thing like running, or something fun like dancing. Yes, _I_ like to dance. There's a wonderous reason for it though. You see, ladies swoon as soon as I set foot on the dance floor. I'm just _that_ amazing." I reply.

Clary responds with another eye-roll before getting back to her lunch.

"Do they even know we're here?" Simon asks Izzy.

"Yes Rat-face. We are aware of your presence. Now shut it." I say.

"Play nice Jace." Izzy orders,giving me a warning look. It's like she's my mother. Not that I would know what having one of those is like.

"I'll pass." I reply.

I'm rewarded with a firm kick in the shin from a wearer of high-heeled boots. I give Izzy a look and continue eating my burger. Yes, somehow the cafeteria served something edible today. See? Miracles do exist in real life.

"Are you all enjoying how the food resembles actual food today?" Maia asks as she and her boyfriend Jordan sit beside Izzy and Simon.

"Yes, it's a nice change." Simon agrees.

* * *

**Clary**

After school Jace walks up to me and asks, "You wanna go work on that project now?"

"Since when are you so keen to do school work?" Simon asks.

"Since he wants to spend alone-time with Clary, his _beautiful_ partner." Izzy answers.

The two laugh like it's a funny joke. I steal a glance at Jace whose tan cheeks turn a tad bit red and I wonder if they're right. Maybe Jace-no, I can't even complete that thought.

"I just want to work on the project with my partner. Now, I'm sure you and Rat-face have some not-so school-related activities to get to so go on, have fun." Jace tells Izzy.

Simon and Izzy try to protest but before they can, Jace starts walking down the street out of the school parking lot and I watch him go, wondering where his car is. I know what this sounds like but last year Jace always drove this golden 2001 Mustang SVT Cobra that Sebastian would have adored. It's just strange that he hasn't driven at all this year. Every time I've seen him, he's always been walking places.

"You coming Fray?" He asks, gesturing for me to come with him.

I catch up with Jace and ask, "Where's your car?"

"Wow, I didn't pin you for gold-digger." Jace remarks but his distinctly tan face visibly pales and his voice wavers slightly.

"I'm not one. I just asked a question. You had a cool car last year and I haven't seen you drive anything this whole year-not that I've been watching or anything." I say.

"Sure you haven't Fray." Jace says with a knowing smirk. I'm still not sure what part of my journal he read which worries me.

I roll my eyes as my face turns red and say, "I'm definitely not a gold-digger."

"Why not?" He asks.

"Gold-digger implies that I'm attempting to be your girlfriend for a profit. I'm doing none of the above." I tell him.

"Gee Fray, just rip my heart out why don't you?" Jace remarks, jokingly holding his hands over his heart.

"That's me: Clary the Heartbreaker." I joke with a shrug.

"Oh no way Fray, you don't get to steal away my title. I've worked so incredibly hard to achieve such a high-standing title." He says.

"Yeah, it must have been so difficult for you to obtain such a title." I agree sarcastically.

"Yes it was. It is hard looking so good all the time. It's exhausting." Jace says dramatically.

"Well, your fan-club seems to appreciate your efforts." I comment.

"I'm guessing you're a part of said fan-club?" He asks.

I make a face at him. "Of course not. I'm president of the anti-Jace fan-club. We like reading and fun video-games and anime." I inform him.

"So it's just you and Rat-face?" He inquires.

"Don't call him that. Besides, if such a club did exist-and similar ones do by the way-then there would be more people than just Simon and me. Not everyone worships the ground you walk on." I report.

"Of course not. My face is the thing they worship-and dream about-not the ground. That would be weird if they worshipped the ground." He replies.

"Not everyone dreams about your face Jace." I inform him.

"Do you?" Jace asks, walking on the curb with his arms spread apart as if he were walking on a tightrope.

"Of course not." I quip.

"That must be a lie!" Jace gasps in an exaggerated fashion.

I just laugh at his antics. Jace chuckles for a moment before falling silent.

"You aren't so bad when you aren't being annoying." I say out of the blue.

This momentarily surprises Jace because he loses his step and I grab his hand to ready him but it's already too late for him to regain his balance and so we fall together. I land on top of him in the street and my face competes with my hair as the reddest part of my body.

"Well then." Jace comments as he grins widely at me, his golden eyes glowing with amusement. "I thought you were a good girl Fray."

Somehow this makes me laugh.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I apologize for not updating sooner but I wanted to wait until I could update more consistently and I can now that it's summer. Thanks for reading!**

**~Kay~**


	10. We figured out that

_"We figured out that"_

**Jace**

We lie together, staring into each other's eyes. I wonder what's going on inside her head. She laughs quietly at my comment and I smile at her. It's like we're trapped together in this moment that's just well, for lack of a better word-perfect. That is until the loud blast of a horn awakens us from our daze and I remember where we are. We're lying on the pavement in a busy New York street, lucky we haven't gotten our heads crushed by speeding taxis. I recall why we're here: we're going to a coffee shop and then we're going to work on the family tree project at the library. Then I remember who we are: her, spunky, red-headed Clary Fray and me, the heartbreaking player who generally hates himself and is terrified at the idea of falling in love, Jace Herondale. Well, crap.

"Hey lovebirds! Get out of the road!" A cab driver yells.

Clary leaps off me as if I burned her. Am I really so awful? I must be considering the terrified expression on her face, just the thought of us being seen as a couple has her springing up off of me while taking on a bright cherry red skin tone.

I get up and mentally gather up what's left of my pride. Then I look at Clary. Her face is still red and I can feel my face flushed as well. Stupid cab driver.

"Hey buddy! Get your girlfriend and yourself out of the way!" The cab driver shouts.

"We're moving so you can shut up now!" I call back as Clary and I walk out of the street.

"What was that?" He bellows.

"I told you to shut up." I say over my shoulder.

If you expected the cab driver to get out of the car after my smart-mouth comment then you are a genius. I however, am not a genius so I'm shocked that he would dare leave the vehicle while he has people in the car. I admit I feel a little nervous when I see him. He's huge and looks more like a biker than a cab driver. He's a burly man with a long silver beard as well as long silver hair that currently resides in a pony-tail. He's dressed in a leather jacket, black biker boots, jeans and he's wearing a gun holster on his belt. He's also holding a knife. We're about to die.

Flashbacks come to my mind, images of my father lying dead with blood pooling around him as his glazed-over eyes stare blankly into space, my nine year-old self screaming in terror, the cops coming, a social worker taking me to meet Alec and Izzy, not talking for nearly a year, never allowing myself to be loved because it will only destroy me and never allowing myself to love or trust anyone because it will only destroy them.

"Jace?" Clary asks, bringing me back to the present where a large man with a gun and knife is approaching us.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Let's run." She suggests.

"That's a good idea." I agree, grabbing her hand and spinning us around. We sprint away from the cab driver. I glance over my shoulder and see that he's gaining on us. Crap. I release Clary's hand and yell, "Go!"

She turns to look at me and I gesture for her to keep going before I turn around and charge at the angry cab driver.

* * *

**Clary**

Jace lets go of my hand and runs at the taxi driver. Jace kicks the knife out of the taxi driver's hand and then punches him. The driver roars in fury and tackles Jace. The two roll around exchanging punches and profanities before finally a couple of men pull them away from each other. Jace is lucky the guy didn't bring out his gun.

Jace walks over to me and I take in his injuries. He's got a black eye, his face is covered in bruises and cuts, he has a split lip and he has his left hand firmly pressed against his right shoulder. I hold back a gasp when I see the results of his fighting first-hand. I can't believe he got into that fight. We walk in silence to a coffee shop where Jace excuses himself to go to the restroom.

Jace doesn't come back for a while and after a few minutes I decide to go in after him. I go to the men's room and knock on the door.

"Jace? Are you alone in there?" I ask.

No one responds so I open the door to find out. I enter the guy's restroom, half-way wondering why I'm even in here. Then I see a figure hunched up at the sink, quivering slightly and suddenly don't care that I technically shouldn't be in here.

"Jace?" I ask softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

His breathing hitches and he flinches away from me. Up close I can see that he's leaning against the sink with his head buried in his arms and he's shaking everywhere.

"Jace?" I ask again, louder this time.

He slowly picks his head up and looks at me. He has a far-away look in his eyes which look dull and nearly unrecognizable. I can see blood smeared across his face from a head-wound I hadn't noticed before. It starts from his hairline by his bangs and the blood trails down the side of his face like tears. I take a handful of paper towels and wet them with cold water. Then I gently press them to his injury. His eyes are full of confusion but he doesn't flinch away this time.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He stares at me, mouth open seeming unable to find the right words.

I wait for him to speak while I tend to his injuries. He doesn't say anything though, he just watches me, his eyes slowly getting their color back.

Finally, I finish soaking his injuries in water and smile at him. "Well, it looks like we figured out that you're not allowed to talk to any more taxi drivers." I joke.

He gives me a nod which is accompanied by a small smile as his golden eyes regain their luminous glow.


	11. When the tide comes

_"When the tide comes"_

**Jace**

I walk into the Lightwood house and see something that makes me freeze. Blood. That's all I see, dripping in puddles all around the room. Bile rises in my throat but I hold it back as I look around cautiously. Blood is splattered all over the walls and floor. I look all around the first floor but no one's around. I carefully make my way upstairs, clutching a knife I stole from the kitchen in my hand. There's more blood on these walls. The air stinks of that warm, rancid, metallic smell that can only be associated with blood. I carefully open the door to Alec's room, hearing an ominous creking sound and step inside to see him lying on the floor in a puddle of his own blood. His skin is nearly completely white, his throat has been slashed and his once brilliant blue eyes have become blank in death.

_No!_ I think, too horrified to speak.

Feeling additional panic rise in my being, I hurry to Izzy's room and open her door, only to find her dead, pinned against the wall by a sword in her stomach. The wall and floor is covered in blood-her blood-and her eyes which used to be full of fire and life stare sightlessly ahead. Bile rises again and I choke it back as my throat closes over and the back of my eyes burn with tears.

_No!_ I think, still unable to make a sound. My head spins and I have to cover my mouth before I hurl all over the carpet.

I feel lightheaded as I stagger to the hallway and crash through Max's door. I find him lying dead on the floor with glass piercing his stomach and face. He's clutching a gold toy car that's an exact replica of the one I used to have before the accident. The accident was my fault. Nausea overcomes me and I stagger to a corner where I puke. Sweat beads down my face and I look around the room for his killer. Instead of a person, I see words written in red on a mirror that's hanging on the wall. I glance at my reflection: pale, clammy skin that isn't mine, eyes bloodshot with unshed tears, and then I read the words.

They read: _You destroyed them._

I let out a yell when I realize that they're written in blood-in _my siblings'_ blood.

"Jace." A voice calls.

"Jace." It calls again.

I know that voice. I run to its source and find her, Clary. She smiles at me and holds her hand out. I slowly reach out and grab her hand. It's warm in my grasp. She smiles before her skin turns white before my eyes and her emerald eyes roll into the back of her head. I catch her as she falls and check for a pulse. There isn't one and that's when I scream.

"No!" I yell, sitting bolt upright.

I fumble around for the switch on my lamp. Once the light is on, I look around. I'm in my room at the Lightwood house. Clary is safe, I saw her today. I got us attacked by a cab-driver but she's safe. Izzy's okay too. She told me goodnight only a few hours ago. Alec's fine too. He also said goodnight. Mr. And Mrs. Lightwood are at some work function but they aren't dead. Max is though. Young, innocent Max. All because of me. My eyes fill with tears and but I blink them back, refusing to further acknowledge my weakness with tears. Father always said that emotions were weakness so weeping over a dream is weakness. I lean against the headboard and hug my knees to my chest, taking slow, shaking breaths until I calm myself down. The pain in my gut is still there but I don't feel like crying anymore.

"To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed." My father had said when he was still alive. The anniversary of his death is coming up soon.

He's right. I loved my father and he died. Max was like my little brother, I cared for the kid like I was his big brother-in fact that's how he introduced me to all his friends-and now he won't ever see his teenage years...all because of me. I'm the only person to blame. I'm cursed. Every time I care for someone, they die.

The good news is that I know that no one cares for me because I'm still here.

* * *

**Clary**

Jace hasn't been the same since that incident with the taxi-driver. It's been a week and he won't even look at me. He hasn't spoken to anyone at all, not even Izzy or Alec. It doesn't make any sense. Popular, funny, Jace has basically dropped off the face of the earth and none of his "friends" have tried to do anything about it. It happens every year. Izzy said he did the same thing when he first moved into the Lightwood house and that lasted a year. An entire year! That won't happen this time. I won't allow it. He spent three weeks in silence last year. That isn't going to happen this time either. I'm going to try to help him.

Which is why today at school I walk up to Jace while he's at his locker and say, "Hi Jace."

He doesn't acknowledge my existence.

"Hello? Earth to Jace?" I ask, waving a hand in front of his face.

He still refuses to talk.

"Why won't you talk to me? Or anyone for that matter? Did we all do something wrong?" I ask.

He won't even look at me.

I put my hand on his shoulder and he leans his head against his locker door. He doesn't shrug my shoulder off so I guess that's progress.

"When you want to talk, there are people here for you. We care about you Jace." I tell him quietly as I give his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

He goes as stiff as a board when I tell him that people care about him. Is that it then? He thinks no one cares? Why would he think that?

"Aw, look at little Miss Wannabe. Do you wanna be popular Clary? Is that why you're talking to Jacey?" Aline asks.

I look to see her and her posse approaching us.

"Of course not. If you haven't noticed, there's something wrong with him." I snap.

"Oh please, he gets quiet sometimes-you would know that if you knew him. You don't though so just go away. If he wanted to talk to you then he would. He hasn't spoken to you so clearly he doesn't want to talk to you. He doesn't care about you, but you care about him; don't you? You're so stupid. He could never care about someone like you." Aline says with a wicked smile on her face.

I glare at her as my face starts turning red and remove my hand from Jace's shoulder, about to storm off. Something stops me though. Jace catches my hand and shakes his head.

"Why are you teasing her Jacey? Even I don't think it's funny." Aline asks, putting her hands on his chest, resting her head on his shoulder.

Jace makes her get off him and shakes his head at her. Then he lets go of my hand to shove what he needs from his locker into his bag, closes the locker and then holds my hand again, a little more tightly this time. He looks at me and nods. We walk to lunch together.

At lunch, I try to get through to him. He let go of my hand when we sat down so I've been trying to communicate with him.

"Do you speak sign language?" I ask.

He shakes his head. There's a flash of amusement in his eyes that's gone so fast I think I imagined it.

"Okay, how about you write stuff down. Then you don't have to speak but we can still converse." I suggest.

He reluctantly gets out a pen and paper from his backpack.

"Why won't you talk?" I ask.

He writes on the paper and shows it to me. It says, _The tide._

"The tide? What does that mean?" I ask.

He looks at me with no expression on his face.

"I have to figure this part out, huh?" I ask and then I feel stupid for asking such a blatantly obvious question.

He nods, still without expression. He seems to be holding his breath because he won't move.

I think and then it hits me. Izzy mentioned this earlier this week; how could I have overlooked it?

"Today is the anniversary of the day you came to the Lightwoods; right?" I ask.

He nods.

"So, it's a tide of sadness because you miss your parents." I guess.

He writes, _Just Father._

"Where's your mom?" I ask.

He looks away and shrugs.

"Why did you tense up when I said people care about you?" I ask.

He tenses up again and doesn't answer.

"Do you think that no one cares? That's wrong if you do. People care about you Jace." I tell him.

He won't look at me.

"Jace?" I ask.

He looks at me and his golden eyes are blank, lacking their usual luminous glow.

"Jace? Please say something or write something. Please?" I ask quietly.

He slowly takes my hand and whispers something.

"What?" I whisper.

He looks at me and whispers, "Clary."

I give his hand a gentle squeeze and whisper, "Jace."

He looks at me almost wistfully and then says, "We can't be friends."

"Why not?" I ask.

He doesn't answer, he just gives me another wistful look and walks away with his head down.

Izzy sits in front of me and says, "You got him to talk."

"He says he misses his dad." I whisper.

She looks at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I ask.

"No one has ever gotten him to talk during this time. Well...except...Max." Izzy whispers.

"Did Max ever tell you why Jace won't talk?" I ask.

Izzy shakes her head. "All he said was that Jace calls this time the tide or something. I don't understand it." She admits.

"He said it was like a tide of sorrow." I whisper.

"Looks like we know who can get him to talk when the tide comes now." Izzy remarks.

I nod, wondering where Jace is right now. If he's okay. Why exactly he said we can't be friends.


	12. I'll take you away

_"I'll take you away"_

**Jace**

How could I be so stupid? I _want_ to be Clary's friend. She brightens the atmosphere of wherever she is, she captures everyone's attention without even meaning to just by being her and there are so many people who admire her for it-including me. So what am I doing? Why did I tell her we couldn't be friends? That was so immensely stupid! These thoughts all run through my mind as I walk home. Of course it starts raining as my thoughts turn a particularly gloomy and grey color. Grey, that's the color the world is without Clary...When did I become such a brooding chick?

Too many thoughts cloud my mind, falling into layers as they pile on top of each other, overwhelming me. To love is to destroy. Clary looked so hurt and confused when I told her we can't be friends. What have I done? It was to protect her. This is Clary, she doesn't _want_ protection. She needs it though. No she doesn't; she's tough. I think I'm in love with her. I can't give into the feeling or I'll destroy her. Does she love me? She probably hates me now. I've ruined it like everything else. I want to let her in but I can't. It might be good for me but I'm scared. Father would be disappointed at my cowardice. Then again, he would hate me for caring so much about some girl. She's not just some girl. She's Clary Fray. She's not like any other girls. She's her own category entirely. What am I doing? Why am I thinking these things? My head hurts. Why am I so stupid? Didn't I learn my lesson already? To love is to destroy. I destroyed Father and I destroyed my baby brother. I can't destroy Clary. To destroy her would be like to destroy myself.

In my frustration I walk over to a nearby wall and punch i without taking a second to consider whether or not the action is a wise one. Blood spurts onto the building's brick wall and I chew hard on my lip to stop myself from crying out in pain. I hold my injured hand to my chest and lean my forehead against the wall. _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! You idiot! Why did you punch a brick wall? Could you not do anything more idiotic?_ I scream in my head. I consider kicking the wall too but something holds me back. Instead I sag to my knees and take shaky breaths as the pain spikes up my arm. The pain pulls me deeper into waves of depressing thoughts that have rendered me speechless on many occasions. I can't tell anyone about this but it's all I can think about right now so I don't talk. The tide takes over and I go temporarily mute.

"Jace?" A voice I am all too familiar with asks.

I curse in my mind and turn around to see none other than Clary Fray looking down at me with wide eyes.

"What are you doing?" She asks, looking from my bloody knuckles to my face.

I try to come up with some retort but I just don't have the energy. I hate this day with every fiber of my being. This is the anniversary of the day my dad died and I moved here with the Lightwoods. It's my fault he died. I loved my father and he died. I took Max to the comic book store the day of the accident because I cared for him like a little brother and he died too. Everything I love gets destroyed. I hate it. It hurts. It's like cursed or some kind of unlucky charm. It epically sucks.

Clary sits beside me and puts her hand on my shoulder. My breath hitches at the physical contact. I don't like to be touched but when Clary does it, it's different. I think I like this...It's nice. It doesn't make me feel uneasy.

"Jace, say something. Please." Clary says, looking at me with concern in her vivid, beautiful green eyes. How could I not love an angel so pure?

I say the only thing that really matters to me right now. "Clary." I whisper, putting my hand over hers. She's all I can think about right now. She's ended the tide.

"Yes?" She asks.

I pull her into my arms and whisper her name, my one talisman. The only person who can take me away from even the darkest and most frightening corners of my mind.

* * *

**Clary**

Jace pulls me into his arms and whispers my name over and over. I'm not sure if he's entirely aware of what he's saying or doing but he's rocking us on the pavement, stroking my hair. If I weren't so concerned for his mental health, I would be so psyched right now. I wrap my own arms around him and listen to his frantic heartbeat, as I gently run my fingers through the curls that reside on the back of his neck.

"It's okay Jace." I whisper in his ear.

"You made the tide go away." He whispers, looking at me with eyes shining with unshed tears. "Thank you."

"But I didn't do anything." I say.

"You did more than you'll ever know." He whispers in a voice that sends shivers up my spine.

I look at him and say, "When the tide comes, I'll take you away Jace."

He looks at me and smiles a real smile, showing that endearingly chipped tooth I told you about before. "If anyone can it's you. You're Clary Fray. You can do anything." He says.

My face turns red and I look down. "I wouldn't say _anything_." I mumble.

"You can do this." He whispers and leans in.

I lean in too, so close that I can feel his breath on my face. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest that I worry it may explode. I'm sure Jace can hear it. I wonder if his is pounding nearly as hard.

Our lips are probably not even a centimeter apart when a voice exclaims, "What do you think you're doing?"

Jace and I pull apart and I can feel my face turn as red as a fire truck. I glance at Jace whose face is flushed slightly. Then I look at who interrupted us and want to scream. None other than Aline stands before us. Fury rises through my veins and then it stops. Crap, I almost kissed Jace. Jace almost kissed me. What happened to being friends? What happened to not being able to be friends? Will I ever fully understand this boy?

Anyway, Aline stomps over to us and uses a really annoying whiny voice to say, "Jacey? What are you doing? I thought we were meant to be forever!"

"I never even insinuated such a thing. I definitely didn't say anything like that. Especially not to _you_." Jace replies.

"What does she have that I don't?" Aline screeches.

"An actual personality." Jace smirks.

Aline shrieks and stomps off. "You'll be sorry loser-girl. I'll have Jace in the end. You just watch." She threatens.

"I thought threats were supposed to be threatening." I comment.

"What do you mean?" Jace asks, his face suddenly losing all traces of emotion. "Is that why you came here? For some competition with Aline?"

"No, of course not. I'm not that petty. I would never stoop that low. No Jace, I honestly came here to see if you were okay." I tell him, looking him in the eyes.

He stares at me, his luminous golden eyes pulsing as his brain worked to figure out whether I'm lying or not. Finally, he nods. "I believe you." He whispers.

"Good. Also, I'm glad to hear you talking again." I say.

He smirks. "So you love my voice just like all the other girls and some guys. You know, many people consider my voice to be so angelic that they use it for their phones. Yup, I am a ringtone." He informs me.

I roll my eyes. "Okay, it's annoying again." I say.

Jace chuckles. "That's why you're here. To keep me level with the rest of the world."

"Let's get out of here." I suggest.

"Why? You don't _like_ being in a dark alley with _me_? You know..." He starts.

I wave him off. "Yes, yes, I know. Many people would love the opportunity to spend even a fraction of this time that I have with you so I should be grateful." I say, rolling my eyes.

"See, you're catching on." Jace agrees whole-heartedly.

I laugh and look at him, taking in his newly relaxed features and think, Don't worry_ Jace. When the tide comes, I'll take you away.__  
_


	13. If you want to

_"If you want to"_

**Jace**

It's been two weeks since the almost kiss in the alley and neither Clary nor I have mentioned it. When I look back at the moment, I think of how badly I wish I could have just done it. I wish I could have kissed her but then I remember how bad an idea that would've been.

"To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed." Father used to say.

Why do I insist on destroying Clary? Why do I wish so badly to be destroyed? Why do I hope that she wants me to destroy her? Why has my father ruined any chance of me ever having a positive perception on love? Why must it be a thing to be feared rather than cherished? Was it because my mother left? Was that his twisted way of warning me that with love, there's always that chance that it might come with heartbreak? I want to find out if love can be good. Perhaps it doesn't always destroy the people involved.

A tiny voice in my head reminds me of my father and of Max but I tell that tiny voice to get a life instead of reminding me of the failures that reside within mine.

It's around midnight and I haven't gotten any sleep which has become a common occurrence over these past two weeks as I've tried to contemplate my relationship with Clary, trying to figure out the likelihood of its success and its failure. This hasn't helped at all with my human need for sleep. Regrettably, sleep is continuing to allude me tonight so I get up and go to the music room where I start playing the piano. I play this song called "Best Mistake" by a band called the Conditions. It reminds me of the way I feel about Clary in ways I can't put into words myself.

* * *

**Clary**

I wake up to hear music playing which is better than how I usually wake up: bolting upright with sweat all over me. I look around the room for the source of the music. Izzy doesn't have any of her electronics on so I go explore the rest of the house to see where the music is coming from. Oh yeah, if you're wondering, Izzy and I have a sleep-over nearly every weekend. It's sort of a tradition of ours.

Anyway, I find the music coming from a room whose door is closed so I lean against the door and listen to the piano playing. Then I hear the person begin singing and it takes my breath away. The voice is that beautiful. It's just...wow. I can't even begin to describe the voice, but it almost sounds familiar which is strange because I know I've never heard it. I would've remembered.

"Best Mistake"- the Conditions

_"I've lost myself in her again,_

_But I don't care,_

_And even when I'm all alone,_

_She's standing there,_

_So I lie awake and I waste away,_

_To disappear for a moment_

_Is she only in my dreams?_

_Will I ever be released?_

_She's my best mistake_

_and I like paying for it"_

I accidentally lean too hard on the door and it opens, sending me tumbling into the room where Jace sits at the piano, looking at me with pulsing luminous golden eyes.

"Jace?" I ask.

"Clary?" He asks.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I'd like to ask you the same thing; after all, you are the one who invaded _me_." He points out.

I feel my cheeks burn and say, "Music woke me up so I wanted to know where it was coming from."

Jace seems to turn a little red but I might just be imagining it.

"Sorry." He says and for once, there's no sarcasm in his voice when he says it.

"No, it's okay. I didn't _mind_. I just wanted to know where the music was coming from. I didn't know you played piano-or sang." I say.

He shrugs. "No one who doesn't live here knows, well...except you now. You have to keep it to yourself." He states.

"Why? You're good." I reply, wondering why he would want to hide such a gift.

With that he grins and says, "I already told you that people use my speaking voice for a ringtone, can you imagine what would happen if people knew I could play piano and sing too?"

I roll my eyes and say, "Oh it must be _so_ _hard_ being you."

He looks down and I notice the time. "Jace? Why are you up so late?" I ask.

"Sleep is for losers." He answers with a shrug. There's something about the way he's all tensed up that makes me think he feels otherwise.

Maybe it _is_ hard being him.

I get closer to Jace and get a good look at his face. There are bags under his eyes from lack of sleep which explains his recent overuse of sunglasses even though it's not even spring yet.

"Sleep is good for you Jace. You need it." I say.

"What if I don't want to sleep because it's for losers?" He asks, looking annoyed.

"Then you're more of an idiot than I originally thought." I reply immediately.

The corner of his mouth goes up for a moment and amusement fills his eyes. He tucks a stray piece of hair that was in my face behind my ear and I stare at him, wondering what he's doing.

"Do you remember what we almost did in that alley two weeks ago?" Jace asks quietly.

I can feel my face flare up but I keep my cool. Of course I remember what nearly happened in the alley two weeks ago. How could I forget nearly kissing the guy I have a crush on? Crap. Did I just admit that?

"Well, lots of things nearly happened in that alley. I nearly beat Aline up, you nearly had a nervous breakdown, you nearly kicked the wall as well as punch it-which is something you did do, and we nearly kissed. Which of the numerous events were you referring to?" I reply.

He gives me a look and I grin. Jace smiles and his eyes seem to light up the whole room.

"Maybe I should remind you. You know, if you want to be reminded." He says cooly.

I nod. "I think I need to be reminded." I say coyly.

He leans in and I lean in and when we're only a breath's distance away from each other, he pulls away a little.

"That's what we did two weeks ago." He whispers, staring at me with those golden eyes that never cease to capture my attention.

"Perhaps we should rewrite history because that wasn't nearly close enough." I whisper back.

Jace smiles a real smile for the second time since I've stumbled upon him playing the piano and then he puts his hands on my face and leans in, closing the distance between us with his lips, capturing my first kiss. We pull away breathless and smiling. Then Jace pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me. His heartbeat is frantic and mine is too. I've never felt so nervous and elated at the same time and it's all because of Jace.

* * *

**Jace**

After I kiss Clary, I pull her close to me and just hold her against me. I've wordlessly admitted to her that I have feelings for her and if she's smart (which I know she is,) she'll have guessed that love is among those feelings. Therefore I must never leave her side in the hopes of protecting her from whatever may come to destroy her. I just hope it isn't me. The thought scares me and I hold her tighter in my arms. She hugs me back and I feel strong and daring, ready to take love head-on, ready to be destroyed if that's what Clary wishes.

"I don't know about you, but I want to do this again." I whisper.

Clary nods into my chest. "I want to if you want to." She replies, not missing a beat.

I stare down at her and she looks up at me. We share another kiss, it's unlike any of the ones that I've shared with other girls. There were never any real feelings involved with them but with Clary I'm tentative and nervous, not sure how she'll react to certain things. This is something I want to do more often. It's beautiful, just like Clary.


	14. I can save you

_"I can save you"_

**Clary**

I'm not entirely sure what Jace and I are right now. We kissed last night but we haven't spoken of it since even though we've been around each other all day. I feel like we should talk about it but I'm not sure how to bring it up. How does one go about bringing such topics up exactly? It's noon right now and we're at the Lightwood house: Izzy, Simon, Alec, Magnus, Jace and me that is. On days like this Max would have been with us. I miss Max and the chair where he used to read his manga still remains unfilled. Nobody ever sits there and that's how I can tell everyone still misses him because it's still in its spot, untouched, gathering dust. It's like looking at an empty cradle. Jace constantly glances over in its direction but he acts like he doesn't. Over the course of this year I've caught him joking around with Alec or Izzy and he'd look at the chair, expecting to see Max, expecting to see his younger brother's face lit up with amusement from whatever Jace said, expecting to hear a witty remark added to his by a much younger voice, but finding nothing but a solitary reminder that Max is gone. Never to return. That's one of the few times Jace can be read. His sadness is reflected through his golden eyes as well as guilt. I've never understood why he feels guilty for Max being gone. The sadness I can understand though. I lost my brother too so I know what it's like. It never goes away.

Today though, Jace sees me staring at the chair and asks, "Would you care to join me for a walk?"

I just nod, surprised by his eyes; they're swirling like a golden vortex of sadness, anxiety, fear, guilt, doubt and fatigue. When I nod, Jace's eyes take on new swirls of hope and relief. It scares me a little to see that he thinks I'm important enough for him to show me all this. It's almost as if I've intruded on his privacy which is ironically what I did last night when he was playing the piano, but I digress.

Jace leads the way out the door of the Lightwood mansion which Izzy and Alec call the Institute because there's an old legend that people used to use it as a place to train warriors called Shadowhunters. They would hunt rogue demons and Downworlders. Downworlders were apparently werewolves, warlocks, vampires and faeries. Apparently it's said that Izzy and Alec's ancestors were hugely involved with the training of the Shadowhunters and that's why their father inherited the mansion. It's just an urban legend and it's always cracked me up but I've also wondered if such a thing ever could exist in a place like the mansion. It's definitely big enough.

Anyway, Jace leads the way and I follow him, wondering why he wants to talk alone. I feel like I should say something to ease the tension but I can't find any words despite my desperate searching for some throughout the whole walk. Finally, Jace stops under a tree in a place I've never seen. It's beautiful to say the least. It's in a very secluded area and it feels like we're the only two people in the world. There are intricate trees all around with low branches that would be good for climbing and rose bushes everywhere. To my left is an abandoned dirt trail and to my right is a river. There's this peaceful breeze that makes the trees gently sway and the rustling of leaves is the only sound there is to hear. For once we can't hear the noisy city traffic. The almost silence has a magical quality because it feels so loud and overpowering yet peaceful and beautiful that it takes my breath away as I look up at the canopy of leaves to see the sun peaking out through holes between the leaves. So this is Jace's private getaway. When Jace looks at me, I feel like I've stumbled upon another private moment but he's sharing this which both surprises and elates me. He trusts me or he's trying to at least.

"I come here when I need to think." Jace says tentatively, as if he's afraid to break the spell, afraid to corrupt the quiet beauty of this place, of his special place.

I nod to signal that I'm listening and wait for his next words. I look over at Jace and catch him watching me before he stares out into the water. The breeze picks up again and I watch as his golden curls dance in the wind. For once it doesn't feel like it's a thousand degrees below zero and it actually feels nice being here with Jace. Or maybe it's just the with Jace part that's so nice.

"I've been coming here a lot lately." Jace continues in a low tone. "I've had a lot to think about. My father. The Lightwoods. You. Me. Us."

I blush when he says "us" and stare at the ground until I feel a hand under my chin, gently pulling my face up.

"Is there any possibility for an us?" Jace whispers, looking into my eyes with those luminous golden spheres. It's as if he can see through me and peer directly into my soul.

My mouth doesn't work for a moment and I can tell that Jace is holding his breath. I'm struck speechless and it takes me a moment to find my voice.

"Yes." I whisper.

Jace smiles at me. His smile is wider than I've ever seen on his face and his eyes shine with so much happiness I worry I may go blind. I'm happy too though because he's happy. My heart fills up with hope for us and with joy and elation in deciding that we will give whatever this thing we have is a try.

Jace captures my lips in his and we kiss slow and sweet in Jace's spot which is filled with roses and beautiful trees and that gorgeous water. It's beyond perfect and I vaguely wonder if I'm dreaming.

* * *

**Five days later**

**Jace**

It's been five days since I took Clary to my thinking place and we kissed. Whenever I kiss Clary everything feels right in the world, everything feels okay. I like this feeling, like everything is good, bright and beautiful at least just for a few moments. That's what Clary being my girlfriend means. It means that things are going better than they ever have in my entire life. Wow, I sound so pathetically cheesy and I've got some major clichés going on but I think that's part of love. Your brain turns to mush so you can't think up anything lucid and unique to say. Love. I've never dared think of it so freely before but it's all I've been thinking about for the past few days.

I wake up early and check the date on my phone: Thursday, February 14th AKA Valentine's Day. Crap. I've been in such a corny wave of euphoria that I completely forgot.

"Idiot!" I hiss as I kick the covers off, throw some clothes and shoes on, grab my backpack and wallet. Then I tear downstairs, nearly colliding with Alec on my way out the door. I spend three hours combing the city for suitable gifts for Clary. I find one red bear that says, "Be mine", a box of chocolate that's in the shape of a heart, and seven roses picked out because of their colors. I give her one red rose which means courage, love and respect, one white rose that means heavenly because Clary must be an angel sent to save me from myself. There are two yellow roses, one to mean our promise for a new beginning (us being a couple) and one to mean that I care about her. There's one orange rose to represent how enthusiastic I am for our relationship to build, one lavender rose to represent enchantment because no one makes me feel the way Clary makes me feel so enchanted must work because I'm so drawn to her I may as well be under a spell, one red and white rose to represent our new relationship and one blue rose because until now, love has seemed unattainable. The lady at the store recommended six or eleven roses because they mean special things that I can't remember right now, but I bought seven on purpose because seven is my lucky number and Clary is my talisman. Clearly I forgot my man card when I ran out the door this morning. I just hope she likes the gifts.

* * *

**Clary**

Jace hasn't showed up to school yet and it's almost lunch. I'm sitting in English, waiting for the bell to ring. Each second without Jace here to crack jokes is painstakingly slow but the bell _finally_ rings and I practically run out of the classroom. Our teacher calls out to remind the class that the family projects are due next Monday and I remember how Jace and I never actually got around to working on them. It's kind of funny if you think about it since we purposely made time to do the project but haven't used any of that said time to work on the project.

When I get into the cafeteria, the first thing I see is Jace, sitting in our usual spot with his hands behind his back looking perfectly innocent. There's definitely something going on. Jace doesn't do innocent. I walk right up to him and ask, "What did you do?"

The last time he had that look on his face the cafeteria nearly burned down. No one got hurt and no one could actually prove that it was Jace who "accidently" left a rag on a stovetop when he was working in there during detention so he was let off the hook. Anyway, he's giving me that same look and I'm both suspicious and wary of what he might have done this morning.

He pulls out a bouquet of roses from behind his back and I'm completely floored. I dumbly wonder who they're for. He's never bought anyone roses for Valentine's Day as far as I know.

"Happy Valentine's Day Ms. Clary Fray." Jace says, handing me the roses.

"Jace, they're beautiful. Thank you." I tell him, smiling because I'm stunned that someone could give me something so beautiful. I never would have thought I would have been given anything so beautiful from anyone and definitely not from Jace.

"They mean different things." He explains. "The red one means courage and respect, there are two yellow ones because one means promise of a new beginning-our new beginning as a couple and the other means that I care about you. The white one means heavenly because I feel like you're an angel sent to protect me from myself, the orange one means I'm enthusiastic to see where our relationship takes us, the lavender one represents enchantment and I'm captured by your spell. The red and white rose represents our unity as a couple and" he clears his throat uncomfortably, "The blue rose means unattainable because before you showed me differently I thought love was unattainable. Also, I bought you seven because it's my lucky number and you're like my talisman."

By the end of his explaination, Jace's face is flushed and he's looking at me in a funny way, like he's worried I may bite him but he keeps leaning closer to me as if he's for some reason hoping that I will. My face is redder than my hair and I set the roses down on the table. Then I kiss Jace. I feel like I'm floating and that's when I remember breathe through my nose. After a few minutes we break away, breathless.

"At least I know where you went this morning." I joke.

Jace laughs and pulls me close to him, dipping his head down to kiss me again.

* * *

**Jace**

"Get a room!" Izzy yells from behind Clary and me.

"Don't be jealous Iz." Clary jokes breathlessly as we pull away.

"Please, he forgot and nearly ran over Alec this morning when he made a beeline for the front door." Izzy laughs.

Clary just laughs, not looking mad at all. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Oh Jace, I nearly forgot. I made something for you." Clary says.

She digs through her bag and produces a painting. It's us only I have golden wings and I'm holding Clary in my arms, sailing over clouds in a red, orange and golden sunset. It's wonderfully made and breathtaking to look at. It makes my gifts seem stupid-except the roses, I'm glad I started with those.

"This is great." I tell her. "You're a really good artist."

"I guess we had similar ideas about the other." Clary says, blushing. She looks even more gorgeous when she blushes.

I smile at her and think, _All right Clary. If you want me to, I can save you from anything that _dares_ to mess with you._

* * *

**(Rose color meanings found on Google.)**


	15. I can take you

**Sorry for the long wait. Here's the chapter!**

* * *

_"I can take you"_

**Clary**

After we exchange presents, Jace has this "totally awesome" plan for us.

"Hey, let's take the rest of the day off." Jace suggests.

"You mean cut?" I correct.

"No, I mean brilliantly sneak out of the school and go along with the rest of the totally awesome plan I have for us." He replies.

I look up at him and ask, "Really? You want us to ditch school?"

He grins mischievously and his golden eyes glow. It's hard to say no when he has that happy grin on his face, even if it is because he wants to cause trouble.

"Yes, very much so." He says, looking at me hopefully. He kind of looks like a little kid which is so strange for him. I wonder what he has planned exactly.

"All right, fine." I relent.

Jace smiles at me and it lights up the whole room.

"Have fun with your little plans." Izzy laughs.

"We will." Jace says.

I won't tell you what means we use but we sneak out of the school. Izzy promised to take our stuff home after Jace promised to be her personal slave for a day so we won't have to worry about that which is good. Jace holds my hand as we walk along the sidewalk and has a nice smile on his face and looks around as if the world is actually a very wonderful place. He's been like this since we became a couple. I'm happy that he's so happy. I've never seen him this happy before and I don't want it to end.

"You're going to like this." Jace promises.

"You've told me that twenty times already." I tell him in a joking manner.

"Well, it's true and it has not been twenty." He replies.

"No, it's been twelve. I counted." I shoot back with a grin.

We arrive at a carnival. Jace takes me on all the rides and we kiss on the Ferris-wheel. It's just like one of those old-school dates they show in movies. Jace even wins me one of those stuffed bears. There's no way it can be more perfect.

When we leave Jace asks, "Did you like it?"

"Yes." I reply, grinning as I nod at him. I hug my new red bear with one arm and use the other to pull his face down so I can kiss him. Jace pulls me into his arms and kisses me back.

"Hey, quit the PDA in public." A masculine voice says behind us.

We turn around to see none other than Jonathan, the biggest jerk in school. He's a huge jock with shocking white hair, black eyes and skin as pale as paper. He's wearing his football jacket and is glaring at Jace.

Jace doesn't grace Jonathan with an answer and instead takes my hand and leads me away. Jonathan grabs Jace's shoulder and makes him turn around.

"I like your girl." Jonathan says.

What a Neanderthal.

"Too bad." Jace says and turns to keep moving.

Jonathan kicks behind Jace's knees, causing him to trip. I pull him up before he hits the ground and Jace gives me a grateful but embarrassed look.

"Come on, let's go." I say.

"Yeah Jacey, go with your little girlfriend. Maybe if your good she'll let you get something _special_ in return." Jonathan calls out.

Jace's eyes fill with fury and he starts slowing down.

"Jace, please." I say quietly.

"Jace please." Jonathan mocks. "Jace, please tell me why your parents are never around. Jace, please tell me why you don't talk sometimes. Why are you selectively mute? Oh and Jaceykins, please tell me why you bother going out with a loser like me. Please?"

Jace let's go of my hand and walks over to Jonathan who's laughing it up with his buddies.

"Jace don't." I say.

"Yeah Jacey, don't tell me why you pity me. Don't tell me that our relationship is a lie. Don't tell me that you feel sorry for me." Jonathan mocks. He turns to his buddies for confirmation on how funny the joke was and when he turns around Jace punches him in the face, sending Jonathan sprawling in the dirt.

"Take back what you said about Clary." Jace demands.

"So _that's_ what the little loser's name is. I'd always wondered." Jonathan laughs.

Jace pounds on Jonathan, kicking and punching while cursing him out.

"Jace stop!" I say but he doesn't seem to hear me.

Jonathan just keeps laughing and looks highly morbid as his face becomes covered in blood. Then his friends throw Jace off him and pin him to the ground. Jonathan staggers up and punches Jace over and over and over. Jace thrashes around, trying to get away but there are six of them holding him down and only one of him.

"Stop!" I yell. "Leave him alone!"

"Can it girlie or you're next. We need to teach your boyfriend here some manners." One of Jonathan's goons yells back.

I pull my phone out and call the cops. Nobody sees which is good because that means Jonathan's goons don't see and bad because that means nobody is here to help Jace who is currently being pummeled. Soon, sirens can be heard in the distance. Cop cars and an ambulance pull up in the carnival parking lot and Jonathan and his friends clear off. Jace staggers up and is almost immediately surrounded by medics.

I make my way to Jace who is being led to the ambulance.

"Hi." I say once I reach him. He's sitting on the edge of the ambulance as medics patch his wounds.

"Hey." He whispers.

I kiss one of his bandages and he manages a small smile.

When the medics are done, a few cops ask us questions about what happened and we explain as best we can that it wasn't Jace's fault and that Jonathan antagonized us first. Given the condition that Jace is in, I'm not sure they were going to pin this on Jace but we still needed to make sure they knew it wasn't his fault.

"Okay kids, I can take you two home if you'll just follow me." A cop says.

Jace pales. "That's okay. We can get a ride. I have my phone. I'll call my sister." He says.

The officer nods and says, "Okay, have. Nice night kids."

After the cop leaves, Jace calls Izzy as the medical and police officers begin to scatter.

"She'll be here in a few." Jace reports.

I look up at him and wonder why he wouldn't go in the car with the cop.

"Why didn't you want the free ride in the cop car?" I ask, trying to make it sound like a joke.

* * *

**Jace**

Clary asks me a question I hoped she wouldn't ask.

"I'd rather not discuss it." I tell her honestly.

"Okay." She says, giving me a look that tells me that she's worried and this conversation won't end here. Awesome.

"Tomorrow, I'll tell you the reason. I have to take you somewhere so it makes sense though; okay?" I say.

She nods and I pull her into my arms. "I'm sorry you saw me get the snot beat out of me." I whisper, remembering my dad do the same thing when I was bad. It was a normal punishment but I don't think I deserved it from Jonathan. He was the one who was wrong; not me.

"Jonathan cheated. If those guys weren't pinning you to the ground, you would've whooped his butt." Clary replies.

I smile. "You better believe it Fray."

Clary smiles at me and I lean down to kiss her, forgetting about Jonathan, forgetting about what I'm going to tell her tomorrow, forgetting about my dad and forgetting that my love may destroy her.


	16. Away from here

**_Wow, there are over 100 reviews for this story. That's awesome! Thanks for all the support everyone!:D_**

* * *

_"Away from here"_

**The next day**

**Jace**

I can hear my father warning me against what I'm about to do. His voice rings through my head, _To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. That means you don't let anyone in. You don't tell them your story-not even just part of it, you don't hear their story. You stay smart. Use that brain of yours, the training I gave you and think. Don't tell her about your life. Don't tell her that I told you that when you were a kid. Don't tell her about what it felt like to watch me die. Don't even tell her about that Max kid. Keep your trap shut and she might not be completely disgusted with you. You're a pathetic human being and you were a failure of a son. Your childish affection for me was what caused me to die, it was what caused Max to die too and now you actually have _feelings_ for this girl. Really? Are you truly that foolish? You must be to care for her the way you do. We both know you don't deserve it._

I try to shake off the taunting words and I painfully remind myself that he isn't around to say those things anymore so I can make my own decisions without his input...Wow, I really am a terrible son.

Maybe I should call off the dating thing...to protect Clary.

_No Jace._ I chide myself. _You're not going to call your cowardice protection over Clary. You're not going to hurt her like that. It isn't fair to her._

_It also isn't fair to destroy her with your love_. That stupid cruel voice in my head adds in using a sing-song tone.

That's it. I have officially lost it. I'm crazy. People who aren't crazy don't talk to themselves and I'm having a full-blown conversation with two conflicting voices in my head. That's just nuts.

"Jace!" Izzy yells, pounding on my door. "Get up and get ready for school!"

I look at the clock. Sure enough, it's 6:30: time to get ready for school. How is it already 6:30? I'm still tired. Did I even get any sleep last night? No, I don't think I did. Fantastic, I stayed up the whole night. Groaning, I turn over and pull the covers over my head. It's inhumane to stay up the whole night and have to go to school the following morning.

"Oh stop your moaning, man up and get ready for school!" Izzy calls from the other side of the door.

_I don't want to be a man. I want to be an angst-ridden teenage boy who takes his problems out on others_. I complain in my head.

"Jace, if I don't hear movement in the next sixty seconds, I'm coming in." She threatens.

I smile smugly as I remember that I locked my door last night.

"No smirking, I have bobby-pins and I can pick the lock so hurry up and get your lazy butt out of bed." Izzy chastises me.

"Yes _Mom_." I mutter, finally getting out of bed.

I throw some clothes on and join the rest of the Lightwoods for breakfast. Or at least Alec and Izzy who are the only two left at this point. It isn't surprising, Izzy and Alec's parents go to work before us teens even get up. Mr. Lightwood is a martial arts instructor and practices for hours before heheaven has any classes. Mrs. Lightwood is a lawyer and makes a point to get to work before anyone else. I'm pretty sure she prides herself in it.

Grabbing a bowl, I stroll over to the cabinet where I grab some cereal which I pour into said bowl, then I hit the fridge, grab milk and pour that into the bowl as well. I then join my foster siblings at the table where I spot Max's chair. The one right beside mine at the table that I'm forced to look at every _freaking_ day. The one that will never be filled again. Despite the seven-month time gap between now and that day, the pain of losing the kid comes back full force. The table suddenly seems too quiet and I have to go somewhere else. Anywhere else. As long as it's away from here. I pick up my bowl, drink the rest of its contents and put it in the sink, not bothering to rinse it because I'll probably have to come home to clean it anyway.

I grab my bag and head out the door after muttering goodbyes to Alec and Izzy. Then I take my phone out and text Clary.

**Hey.**

_Hi._

**Are you ready for school yet?**

_Just about. Why?_

**You are going to be walked to school by the hottest guy in school. Don't get too excited.**

_Oh see, I would but I'm already with this guy. He's great and very, very humble although he describes himself as a golden angel. I even gave him a picture that described his angel-ness for Valentine's Day. It was great. He's awesome so I can't go with this hottest guy in school because I've already got a guy._

Her messege makes me smile. She's fun to joke with and always knows how to get the upper hand with me.

**Well, I'm going to walk to school with the most beautiful girl around so I just wanted to make things even for her.**

_Really? Who is this girl?_

**She's amazing. She has fiery red hair, emerald grin eyes and a lake face dotted with freckles. She's on the short-side but is a fiery little thing. Nobody in their right mind would ever mess with her.**

_I'm guessing you're not in your right mind?_

**Very funny Fray, when am I ever in my right mind?**

_Point taken. I've learned my lesson. I'll never assume that you're mentally stable again._

**Good decision.**

At this point I've reached her doorstep and knock. Clary opens he door and smiles at me. "I'm almost ready. Come on in while I grab something." She says.

I cautiously enter and am greeted by another red-head only this one is much older and looks hostile. As soon as the woman sees me, she crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me. "Who are you and what do you want?" She demands.

"I'm Jace. I'm Clary's-" I start.

"I know what you are. I asked _who_ you are. Big difference. I also asked what you wanted." She interrupts.

"I'm Clary's boyfriend and I just wanted to walk her to school." I tell her.

Her glare intensifies. "What is she to you?" She asks.

"She's the most amazing, strong and level-headed girl I've ever met. I care about her a lot and I'm proud to call her my girlfriend." I answer.

"Don't get used to it." She says flatly.

I'm about to ask her what's she's talking about when Clary walks in.

"Hi." Clary smiles at me.

"Clarissa, you will not go anywhere with this boy." Her mom says.

Clary grabs my hand in defiance. "Why not?" She questions.

"He's dangerous; just look at his face." Her mom replies.

Crap. I forgot about the beating yesterday. Her mom's right. She doesn't want someone who gets into fights to be with her daughter. She wants someone who isn't a complete moron. My heart sinks as I realize that her mom isn't wrong. I'm no good for Clary. I might destroy her.

"He didn't start the fight Mom. He was defending himself and me." Clary tells her mom.

"I don't care. It's probably not the first fight he's gotten in and I know it won't be the last. Look at him, he's got tattoos and he dresses like a rebel-he no doubt is one. Why don't you go out with one of Simon's friends instead?" Her mom snaps, giving me a look that probably might scare me if my father's angry look hadn't been worse.

"Mom, it's because they're all idiots. Jace isn't what you think he is. Remember when I was little and you taught me not to judge a book by its cover?" Clary says.

Clary's mom continues to glower at me. "That rule doesn't apply to mothers." She hisses.

"Oh, that's right. You didn't teach me that. Luke did. While you were busy working." Clary growls, flinging the door open.

* * *

**Clary**

I lead the way to school, stomping through the New York streets, trying to get as much distance as I can from my mom in the quickest amount of time. Glancing up at Jace, I can tell that he's feeling kind of down. His golden eyes lack their luminous glow. It's my mom's fault too so now I feel guilty.

"She was wrong about you; you know." I tell him.

He shrugs. "It doesn't matter." He says, putting up his tough facade. Why does he think he has to do this to everyone? Why does he still feel like he has to do this with me?

"There isn't anyone I'd rather be with." I tell him.

He stops suddenly and says, "There isn't anyone I'd rather be with either Clary but are you sure you've thought this out? She's right. I'm no good for you."

"Jace that's crazy. You can't let her get into your head. What you _can_ do though is kiss me." I say, grinning slyly.

Jace grins and pulls me into his arms. He cups my face and kisses me. I throw my arms around him and kiss him back. We pull away grinning breathlessly at each other. Then Jace puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk to school together.

* * *

**After school**

**Clary**

Jace is really nervous as he meets me at our spot under the trees behind the football stadium. There's something bothering him because he's never even the slightest bit open at school. His mask has an undeniable crack in it and I intend to find out why.

"Hi." I smile when he kisses me on the cheek.

"Hey." He says in my ear, his voice as smooth as silk. Jace holds my hand and leads me down a street I haven't been on in a while. It's a place I generally try to avoid. We're going to the cemetery.

We don't stop walking until we've entered the cemetery and come to a gravestone that was put up only a few months before. Max Lightwood's. I look at Jace, waiting for him to divulge the promised information.

"Max's death was my fault." He starts and I open my mouth to protest but he puts his hand up and says, " Clary please, not until I'm done...otherwise I won't make it all the way through."

I nod and Jace takes in a breath, seeming to prepare himself for something horrible.

"Max died in a car-crash and it was my fault because I was driving. We had just come back from the comic-book store and I let him sit in the front because he always gave me this happy, grateful look when I did. He thought of me as his big brother because when I came, he was too young to notice that they were just fostering me, not adopting. So I stopped at a red light and Max went on a tangent from what we had been talking about before we got in the car. He was saying that I was such a good big brother and all sorts of things he never should have thought. The light turned green, I went and then a semi crashed into the car on Max's side. Our car rolled and I passed out at some point. Max didn't even scream and died on impact. I'd turned to see if I could help him but his eyes had that blank stare of death but he also seemed to be asking me why I didn't help him, why I didn't save him, why his big brother let him die." Jace's voice falters and his eyes well up at the word "die", he takes in a shaky breath and says, "That's why I never ride in cars and only walk places because I caused Max's death."

"Jace," I start.

"No Clary." He says, his tears threatening to fall. "If I had looked one extra time then I would've seen the semi run the light. It is my fault. I was careless. My recklessness cost Max his life. That's not fair."

I give Jace's hand a squeeze and use my free hand to wipe away the lone tear that has fallen down his cheek.

"I know it isn't fair and I'm sorry you went through that but Jace, that wasn't your fault. You didn't run the red light. Max wouldn't blame you for this." I tell him.

He nods and whispers, "Can we leave now? I don't care where we go, just please, anywhere away from here."

"Okay Jace." I tell him, gently kissing his cheek.

We begin walking again and I say, "At least he died knowing his big brother loved him enough to take him on a fun outing. At least he was happy those last few minutes."

Jace nods with a pained expression on his face as his golden eyes swim with tears. Tears and Jace just don't mix well with me so I hug him. He hugs me back, pulling me tightly into his arms. I feel wetness in my hair and my resolve to be strong for him vanishes as I feel him shake against me. Tears fill my eyes and drip onto his leather jacket as I bury my face in his chest. Together we mourn the loss of Max because he was called to Heaven far too early.


End file.
